WOW! I cannot believe I've only written in here once. Well that's certainly gonna change! Monday it will be a year that I have been married! Time flies! My wedding was everything I dreamed of and more!! At times I wish I can get married Again! Just to have another wedding;)
Well looking back at this year, it has been amazing and yet hard.
Some good things are... that Jason and I have worked our way up in our jobs.
He is a Manager of a dog kennel and I am an Assistant Manager of a retail store. With that comes alot of responsibility but we've been grateful to be able to share two days off together. Every Sunday and Monday:) We now have 2 cars and have been able to get out of debt and start saving!!!! That makes me happy:))) since I'm a major planner! I have lost 20 pounds thanks to the amazing Take Shape for life program. (If you want to lose some weight and change your lifestyle let me know! I can hook you up with some amazing coaches!) And my hubby and I have gotten to know each other better. Learn each others love languages, some more likes and dis-likes, habits etc. And through it all we still love each other!! Haha! Soo as for the hard part... Since we got married Jason and I were determined to set a good solid foundation for our marriage. We had seen other people close to us end their marriages, and it had us really look at marriage alot more seriously. We began to ask each other alot of questions and had us make many changes in our lives. During this time some of our dearest friends had moved, we no longer had a home church, and we are far from all of our family. We tried to set goals and discover what it is we really felt we wanted to do in life. Such as careers, ministry, etc. With this we began to challenge one another,pray, and help encourage each other to reach those goals. What we didn't know was that through the help of the Holy Spirit old things would begin to surface. You know those things that you push aside and think you've already dealt with. The people that you say you've forgiven, but yet when you mention their name it brings a hurt/sad/angry feeling to your stomach. Those things that when you sit and think about them long enough you burst into tears and can't stop crying. Well those things came up and let's be honest sometimes we don't WANT to deal with them. "What doesn't kill you MAKES you stronger" right? Well one thing I love about my relationship with Jason is that we've always been honest and truthful with one another. Even when it hurts.So the things we didn't want to deal with we kept bringing them back to surface for one another. Not to throw them in each others face but to deal with them. This left us with no where to run and no one to talk to. (Well no one we trusted or were close enough with at the time) So the recovery to wholeness began. God showed us that we COULDN'T and He WOULDN'T let us go forward without dealing with the past. I don't think I've ever cried soo much in a year. :/ But I've been able to hear him soo much more Louder in the silence. It's been in this season of my life that I've felt the intimacy of my relationship with him be soo much more solid and strong. And that has also transfered into my marriage. That my husband can know me and see me for who I am. What makes my heart hurt, what brings tears to my eyes, where I came from. So yes it's been hard, but it's been worth every minute. And I'm glad I didn't have to do this alone! Are we done? Surely not! But I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I never would've thought this is how we'd spend our first year of marriage together! I imagined all fun and games. Mostly happy times, vacations, making new "couple" friends. But God had other plans and I wouldn't want to share this time with anyone else! I'm grateful for my husbands patience with me and unconditional love. So heres an encouragement to any of you out there who are trying to begin again. Trying to find your calling, trying to go forward and seem to not be able to. Ask yourself, is there anything in your past that you haven't dealt with? Or keep pushing under the rug. Ask God to reveal to you any past hurts or painful memories. To put the broken pieces of your heart or childhood back together. Only he can heal you, only he can make you whole. And then you can begin again:) Start your recovery to wholeness either on your own or with your spouse. I'm not saying it'll be easy but I can tell you it's worth it. Til next time...
